The Triumvirate
by Paranoid Emo Ranger
Summary: Kevan is worried about Tywin after Joanna dies while Gerion and Genna bake Braavosi brownies for him. Crack-fic! Just imagine a young Charles Dance with Jeremy Renner as Kevan, a blonde Tom Hiddleston as Gerion, and Kate Winslet as Genna. Not picturing it?...How about now? No?...okay, now? WARNING because of Drug-use and I don't want the kids to read this!


Summary: Kevan is worried about Tywin after Joanna dies while Gerion and Genna bake Braavosi brownies for him. Crack-fic! Just imagine a young Charles Dance with Jeremy Riener as Kevan, a blonde Tom Hiddleston as Gerion, and Kate Winslet as Genna.

Kevan was worried about his brother, he had not spoken to his children in days after his lady wife's death; Joanna. She was beautiful and intelligent with all the Lannister features, she was their cousin. Kevan was not entirely sure if marrying cousins were acceptable but since they got married he guessed it was alright. 'Man! If Tywin knew about Cersei and Jaime's _experimenting_ with each other, he'd flip yo!' he definitely would but now was not the time to tell him, and he definitely needed to stop qouting 'The Fresh Prince of Highgarden'. Kevan was on his way to the kitchens where Genna and Gerion were baking something that Gerion learned to make called Braavosi brownies, when he reached them they were standing over the stove, heating something.

"What exactly do these brownies taste like?" he asked their brother Gerion.

"Well…let's just say that Tywin's gonna call an astronomer because these brownies are out of this world!" replied Gerion as he placed the measuring cup over the coffee grinder and then he poured the oil and grinded green leaves. The measuring cup was all black liquid now. What are they poisoning him now? Kevan thought while his sister Genna fetched a large bowl and dumped in the brownie mix, it came in with a Prince Rhaegar action figure and had one of those promos that says 'Whoever gives me Blueberries is going to get the Iron Throne!' she cracked two eggs and poured three tablespoons in and added the black liquid.

"So I'm going to beat the crap out of this brownie mix?" asked Genna and Gerion nodded, she started beating it.

"Just make sure that you mix it well Genna, we want to make sure it's ultra special just for him."

Joy Hill entered the kitchen, Gerion's bastard daughter. She was five.

"Father what are you doing?" she asked as she stood on the kitchen table to get the box of Tyrell's Wester-O's that she always loved. "Bravosi brownies?"

"Yes darling, but you can't have any so back off!" said Gerion. "I didn't mean that darling, but it's for uncle Tywin."

"You're cooking something for uncle Tywin to make him feel better now that his wife is dead and that he'll never see her again for as long as he lives, and that he'll never get married again, and that he's the worst dad ever?" She asked, Joy was as intelligent and as sneaky as her father. Gerion nodded. "I just hope you don't make him do something stupid." Actually she was hoping for the exact opposite. Joy sat down on the chair and poured her Wester-O's cereal in a bowl and added milk.

"Kevan can you please get the thing." Gerion said, Kevan gave him a confused look. "The rectangular metal thing…so we can put the brownie mix in the oven. It's in the shelf." Kevan did as he was asked and handed it to Genna who poured the brownie mix and placed it in the oven.

"And now we wait!" declared Gerion who sat down beside his daughter.

"What makes this brownies so special brother?" asked Genna.

"It's a secret, I'll let you try one when it's done."

_A couple of minutes later…_

DING!

The brownies were done, Genna wore mittens to take them out.

"It certainly looks delicious." Said Genna as Kevan reached in to take a piece, Gerion noticed and swatted his hand.

"What? I was curious!" he said.

"First we have to wash out hands and slice it into chunks!" the siblings raced to the faucet to wash their hands with soap and water.

Joy Hill sighed as she ate her cereal and read the side of the box that had some 'did you know' Jon Arryn was a spokesperson for the Tyrell's brand.

"Done!"

"Gerion get a plate!" said Genna distracting Gerion while Kevan was slicing the brownies. Genna took a slice of the brownie and so did Kevan.

"Damn! This tastes so good!" said Kevan. "Gerion why haven't you baked this before?"

"Genna! Kevan! What the hell are you fu-" He covers Joy's ears with ear muffs that came out of nowhere. "What are you fuckers doing?" he asked, angry. "We were going to eat it with our grieving brother so that he'd believe us that it's good for his…" soul? His teeth? "his issues!"

"Gerion this is the shit!" said Genna out loud that the kitchen staff in the other room could hear them.

"I know right? Now give me one!" Kevan offered him one while Genna transferred the other brownies on the plate. She counted that there were seventeen brownies all in all that Kevan had sliced, maybe even more since she was no longer thinking straight.

"Come on!" said Kevan as they went out of the kitchen.

"Good luck!" yelled Joy with a smile on her face.

It was hard for the siblings to go up to their brother's den because they were now laughing their asses off, with their feet flayling around while trying to balance the plate. When they finally reached his door.

"Wait!" said Genna in a whisper. "I think he's going to get suspicious." She told her brothers.

"That is most likely, so Kevan grab a brownie." Kevan grabbed a brownie. "And when I finish knocking and he opens you stuff this shit in his mouth okay?" Kevan gave him a horrified look almost as though the effects of the brownies have faded away. "Ready?"

"Wait!" said Kevan placing the brownie on the plate. "I need to piss!" They went to the left end of the hall where the bathroom was and just like when they were children Gerion and Genna could hear him say. "Flush!" and he flushed the toilet.

"Did you wash your hands?" asked Gerion again and Kevan nodded. "Ready?"

"Wait! Look presentable." Kevan spat saliva on his hands and fixed his hair, Gerion fixed his beard while Genna made sure to fix her dress.

"Gerion do I look alright? Does my dress fit in with my funbags?" she emphasized her breasts and Gerion nodded.

"Ready." Kevan and Genna said in unison, Gerion cleared his throat.

"Tywin!" knock-knock-knock. "Tywin!" knock-knock-knock. "Tywin!" knock-knock-knock.

The door opened and there stood their older brother, stoic and strict.

"What?" he asked and without permission to enter, the three siblings barged in. Kevan stuffed the brownie in his mouth while Gerion held him still.

"Chew it brother! It's good for your health!" said Genna and he chewed it.

"What is this non…" They all looked at him to see if the brownies had any effect on him. "Ooooohhhhh, what kind of food is this?" he helped himself to another brownie.

"It's Bravosi brownies." His siblings took one each and ate it. "They're really good right?" Tywin nodded.

"Mmmm…brownies!" said Kevan and they all laughed, who knew that the special brownies were the ones that made their extremely cold brother laugh. "ahahahahahahaha! Ahahahahahahahaha!" Kevan laughed like his mouth was about to split in half.

The siblings watched their brother attempting to hide his laughter which made them laugh even more because of how awkward it looked, he looked like he was having a fit. Genna was in tears, while Gerion's saliva was all over his mouth as he tried stuffing in another brownie and Kevan was no help because he was literally dragging himself towards the record player because his legs were paralyzed from the waist down, he was still laughing his ass off.

"Hey! Hey! Remember this song?" he pulled himself up. "Remember when we used to listen to this song?" asked Kevan and the song started playing. It was an old song by The Rolling Bones called Tell Me.

_I want you back again_

_I want your love again_

_I know you find it hard _

_To reason with me_

_But this time it's different_

_Darling you'll see…_

_You gotta tell me your coming back to me (4x)_

_You said were through before_

_You walked out on me before_

_I tried to tell you_

_But you didn't want to know_

_This time it's different and you're turning to go_

_You gotta tell me you're coming back to me (4x)_

Tywin suddenly stands up and sings along as Genna whispers to Gerion "Go get the camcorder!"

_I weep as the days go by_

_I long for the times to go by_

Kevan tries not to ruin the scene by laughing because his brother has started imitating Jick Magger's moves.

_I hear the knock on my door_

_That may never come_

_I hear the telephone that hasn't rung_

_You gotta tell me you're coming back to me (4x)_

"Joanna you gotta tell me you're coming back to me!" He yelled.

"Yes Tywin I'm coming back to you." Was the reply and everyone looked at each other.

"Who the fuck said that?" asked Kevan, he was in his ninja position. "Angel dust!" he kicked Gerion just a few inches from the face.

"I could smell your foot, I could actually smell your foot on that one." Said Gerion and Tywin laughed like crazy, he was a silent laugher whose expressions did all the laughing for him. Genna was turning redder because of how messy his laughter was.

"Alright no more fooling around!" Kevan said as he and Gerion held their brother still. He had placed his trust completely on Gerion this time around, he was not entirely sure if this was going to work. What the hell did Gerion put in those brownies anyway that he was so confident it was going to work.

"You have three children who you will love and remain active for the rest of their lives, and never leave one behind but you are still a ruthless leader." Said Gerion. "And don't laugh, and don't smile, only do it when you're around people who are family."

"You will marry Cersei and Jaime to the Dornish, you will leave Casterly Rock to Tyrion." Please let Tyrion be smart and clever as him, please. Genna prayed to the gods silently. "And don't be so power hungry, just tone it down and showing some compassion does not hurt!" Tywin blinked.

"Is he alright?" asked Kevan. "Is he still alive?" They took off their shades.

"I think so." Genna said as Tywin got up.

"Where are the children?" Tywin asked. "Where are my children?"

"In their rooms." They replied in unison.

Their brother rushed out of the room and they followed behind.

"What was in those brownies Gerion?" asked Kevan curiously.

"The Triumvirate."_DUN-DUN-DUN!_ "It was complicated to make." he added.

"I thought it was only a myth!" The Triumvirate was rumored to have powers of it's own that the old gods and the new have sent down to Westeros to melt the coldest of hearts.

"What is The Triumvirate?" asked Genna wanting to know more.

"It's composed of three legendary godsweed; Night Shadow, Warhammer and Hodor." Gerion smiled. "I wish Tyg was here to see this."

Their brother Tygett was on his way to Winterfell to give Rickard Stark a supply of Cherrybread for his birthday.

"I love you." said Genna. "I love you both." her brothers smiled. "We'll show Tyg the video when he returns."

They laughed their way downstairs but were unfortunate because they had hurt themselves in the process, tumbling down.

* * *

YEAH! R&R if you guys want to!


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